Biological Son Feels Abandoned as Parents Favor Adopted Siblings, His Concerns Are Overlooked and Labeled as Spoiled and Entitled

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Aug 30, 2024 7:00 PM EDT

 Family bonds are complex and ever-changing. Parents go above and beyond to ensure that their children are happy. However, occasionally, when one child requires a little more love and attention than the others, it is easy to get caught up in his or her problems and forget about the needs of the rest of the family.

The story below is an account of a frustrated son. The original poster (OP) recounts his personal experience of growing up with well-intentioned parents. The original poster, the sole biological child of his parents, has three adoptive siblings living with him. To ensure a smooth transition into the family, OP's parents have dedicated their entire lives to the mental and physical health of their adopted children. But while they lavished love and support onto their adoptive children, they failed to notice that, for obvious reasons, they had entirely forgotten about OP and his needs and craving for affection.

However, things escalated quickly as OP expressed his concerns to his parents. So, check out the story below to find out more about what happened and whether the parents realized that they have been failing their son! Additionally, remember to read about the woman who refused to allow her sister's stepchild to attend her wedding when you're done!

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  • 01
    things. They're constantly bouncing between adoption therapy, family therapy (which feels weird because I'm also part of the family? I'm only included once in a while, usually to be told I need to be less of a show off), and every single bonding thing they can find. They also take them out after individual therapy, which I 100% support and would never admit to being jealous of IRL but... *god* I'm jealous of it.
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for demanding my parents not include my adopted siblings when we go out to dinner for my birthday?
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 03
    Five years ago, my (15M) parents adopted two of my siblings. I'll call them Cassandra (17F) and Layla (15F). Two years ago, Luku (2M) (their biological younger brother, absolute light of my life, best boy) was born and surrendered, so he was placed with us too. Since they were adopted as preteens, a major priority for my parents was bonding with them two-on-three. And they go to a lot of bonding
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 04
    things. They're constantly bouncing between adoption therapy, family therapy (which feels weird because I'm also part of the family? I'm only included once in a while, usually to be told I need to be less of a show off), and every single bonding thing they can find. They also take them out after individual therapy, which I 100% support and would never admit to being jealous of IRL but... *god* I'm jealous of it.
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 05
    I know it's not the same, but I had six bouts over the summer and it was a miracle that they attended two. Which did not include the last fight or the Family Day. At least come for the catharsis of seeing me get w cked with a sword! Sometimes circumstances demand that I'm there - and I moved my schedule to make this happen
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 06
    more often. At first they let me hang to the side, but then they asked that I step back so I'm not engaging with whatever it is they're doing with my sisters because the bonding activities are supposed to be for them. Last night, I told my parents that I wanted them to do things with me, alone. That they were wildly favoring my siblings over me, and I wanted to have dinner on my birthday with only
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 07
    them. They didn't take it well, and threatened to send me to therapy. We ate in silence for a few minutes. I tried to tell them I won the season-long bracket, and they emphasized how much it was not a time to be bragging or doing anything except apologizing. They said my siblings are traumatized and in need of more support. They
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 08
    also accused me of believing my siblings aren't 'real' just because I wanted to have some time with my parents where it wasn't about my siblings. After dinner, Layla said she thought it was a good idea, and suggested we go out as a family but paying attention to me in particular for the whole week. That sounds incredibly embarrassing but amazing - I'd adore that, especially since I want to hang out with my sisters more anyway.
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 09
    e, but Cassandra, though, pulled me aside and said that I had always been a spoiled a that this was like a healthy man demanding stitches from a poorly stocked first aid kit because everyone else had them and he wanted to "feel special". She said I should take a step back and realize that that was a awful thing to ask.
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 10
    I'm split between wanting to run away so my family doesn't have to deal with me and sinking into the comfort of self-pity. I just want my own parents - or my own siblings or somebody - to genuinely care about how I feel or be glad when I do something well.
    via u/wildlayabout
  • 11
    • demonofsarila 11 hr. ago edited 11 hr. ago NTA trauma healing is not a poorly stocked first aid kit where supplies only go to those most in need. Requesting 1 b-day dinner with only your parents so you guys can chat is not ar de thing to ask (it's not like you! were expecting every week or something, just 1 meal out of the
    via u/demonofsarila
  • 12
    whole year). You are allowed to feel ignored and want to be acknowledged at least sometimes. I mean, they're also allowed to say no they can't make it happen (since they would be footing the bill I assume), but I don't get that whole "apologize for having feelings & needs" reaction.
    via u/demonofsarila
  • 13
    Maybe take them up on the offer to go to therapy and tell your therapist you feel ignored and that you feel that your emotional needs for validation aren't being met. They could likely offer you quality advice about how to handle the situation, give you advice on things like what to say and how to tell your parents. Therapists can be an
    via u/demonofsarila
  • 14
    amazing resource to talk to about how to navigate social situations and how to effectively communicate your needs to others in a healthy way. Because yes your siblings have needs, but your needs & feelings matter too. Everyone matters, there's no need for the "trauma olympics" Because
    via u/demonofsarila
  • 15
    vely seriously? My parents were ab neglectful & had 5 kids, but I still got "only me" time with each of my parents. It was rare, but like it was there.
    via u/demonofsarila
  • 16
    Dramatic_Attempt4318 · 11 hr. ago Partassipant [3] OP, you're NTA. I do not mean this condescendingly - but as a statement of fact. You are a child. You deserve to have parents who are present and engaged in your life. What your parents do for your adoptive siblings is admirable. It sounds like they're genuinely doing their best for those
    via u/Dramatic_Attempt4318
  • 17
    kids. But it does not mean they can sacrifice you or your needs, or that your needs are less important or a lesser priority. There might be an argument for if there was a bad day and a parent had to rain check something to deal with
    via u/Dramatic_Attempt4318
  • 18
    someone navigating something big, but that isn't the case here - this is a clear pattern of behavior and you are asking your parents to be present in your life individually. It speaks a lot to your character that you talk about this the way you do - a lot of people are eaten up by
    via u/Dramatic_Attempt4318
  • 19
    resentment (and it's a fair emotional response, if they were), but you don't sound bitter. You just sound like a teenager who wants his parents to be present in his life and you are NTA for that. Do you have a guidance counselor at school? They might be a good resource
    via u/Dramatic_Attempt4318
  • 20
    to try to talk things through with to see if they can help you come up with ideas, and maybe even help intercede on your behalf. I'm sorry, OP. You sound like a really, really good kid - and the way you talk about your adoptive siblings is so full of compassion and care. I hope someone starts acting with that degree of consideration in your direction, as you've offered everyone else.
    via u/Dramatic_Attempt4318
  • 21
    rockthecavern · 12 hr. ago NTA - your parents have a responsibility to care for the emotional needs of all of their children. They are failing at that and in doing so driving a wedge between you and your siblings. It happens in many kinds of families, even with all biological children, and it is a terrible situation to be in. Best I
    via u/rockthecavern
  • 22
    can say is to assume best intentions, that your parents are doing their best, often that just isn't enough and causes problems.
    via u/rockthecavern
  • 23
    picrequest91 7 hr. ago. Totally agree. It's sad that they're neglecting your feelings. You deserve attention too, especially on your birthday. Hopefully, they realize how much this imbalance is affecting you and make some changes.
    via u/picrequest91
  • 24
    Nyankitty666 · 11 hr. ago NTA. I also have adopted siblings and grew up feeling like my parents were harder on me because I was not adopted. You need to have a therapy session with just your parents so you can express your feelings more clearly. It sounds like your parents refuse to
    via u/Nyankitty666
  • 25
    acknowledge that they put your needs on a backburner, and you never have one on one time with them with all of their therapy appointments. Your feelings are valid, but I wouldn't blame the kids. It is all your parents' fault for allowing the situation to get this bad. If your parents aren't receptive, reach
    via u/Nyankitty666
  • 26
    out to a counselor or trusted adult. Your emotional needs are not being met. Trying to talk to your parents about what's going on in your life is not "showing off."
    via u/Nyankitty666
  • 27
    JLHuston 4 hr. ago · edited 2 hr. ago That line about him bragging just hurt my heart for him. He just wants to be seen! He isn't trying to be the center of attention, or complaining about the amount of time that his parents focus on his siblings. He just wants to feel like
    via u/JLHuston
  • 28
    he matters to them, too, and from his perspective, they are massively failing to do so. It was sweet of Layla at least to recognize where he was coming from, but then the older sister just crushed him and made him feel so small. I certainly empathize for the
    via u/JLHuston
  • 29
    girls-they may have endured a lot. of trauma. But to call him a spoiled , and not have any ability to consider the whole situation from his perspective, isn't fair. Maybe therapy with just his parents would be helpful, but only if they are willing to listen. The key is that
    via u/JLHuston
  • 30
    they have to be able to hear his perspective. If they go in defensively, expecting the therapist to back them up and set OP straight, it could do more harm than good. OP comes across as very mature. Maybe he could just sit down with his mom and dad alone, and tell
    via u/JLHuston
  • 31
    them he'd like to talk to them about how he's been feeling. That he isn't jealous or resentful of his sisters; he knows that they've been through a lot and need more right now. But that he is their son too, and he feels like he's been pushed to the side, and that this has been a huge adjustment for him too. If this
    via u/JLHuston
  • 32
    conversation can happen calmly and non-confrontationally, maybe they'll hear him and understand. It's not fair that I'm essentially saying he has to be the grown up in this situation. He shouldn't have to. He is entitled to feeling some resentment. But his parents are so focused on the other children that they can't even see how that's
    via u/JLHuston
  • 33
    affecting their son. So if he can have a calm honest discussion with them, maybe they'll finally understand his perspective. If not, though, this could really cause damage in their relationship with him. He deserves to know he's loved and supported and seen just as much as the other kids.
    via u/JLHuston
  • 34
    Finally, it's awesome that he adores the little guy. OP sounds like a really great kid.
    via u/JLHuston

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